i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
