Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My pussy is not your playground.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
