Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
