Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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