I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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