sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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