sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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