You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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