FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
