i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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