Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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