you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
