I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
