I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
