I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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