So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
