its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
