I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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