I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just gift wrapped bread.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
