I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
