There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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