I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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