So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
