You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
