cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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