I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We don't watch enough power rangers
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
