Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
