so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
