well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
