I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I could fuck to npr.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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