david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
