yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
