It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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