i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
