New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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