girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
