I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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