You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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