i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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