who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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