i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
