But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
