I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
