He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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