how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
