Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
