Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
