I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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