i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
