I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
