i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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