Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
