"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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