Swine flu is the new snow day.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
