Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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