Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
