Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
