Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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