Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
